Dreaming big

Today in a staff meeting my boss was talking about some conference he went to, about rubbing shoulders with some sort of entrepreneurs or something. It reminded me once again how frustrating careers are to me.

From early on, when society decided to brand me "smart" or gifted or a high academic achiever or whatever, I've always felt that I'd been given a gift by God. Therefore I've always wanted to use it responsibly for whatever "big purpose" God intended.

You'd think by now life experience would have taught me the folly of looking for such bigness, that knowing three or four people enough to really influence the course of their lives is really the biggest thing one can aspire to. But that just seems so.... hard to pin down.

I can't escape the feeling that I'm just frittering my life away. I'm 35, really middle-aged now, and I haven't accomplished a damn thing yet. (Well, at least I'm not miserable in my day-to-day any longer.)