I started to entitle this "OK-ness", which would be ironic since the overuse of the suffix -ness is one of my millions of peeves. Then I wanted to entitle it "Hope," but I got off topic.
Yesterday I had a session with another counselor, not the career one, and I kept trying to present a balanced view between the fact that I'm incredibly frustrated during my workday but generally optimistic about the direction in which things will soon be headed. I actually was surprised that he kept summarizing the conversation in generally positive terms, because I don't think I sound very cheery when I'm on that topic. But I really do have to remind myself that as difficult as I find it from day-to-day, things really are headed toward getting better.
It's hard to recall that now, because I'm really struggling again today. It dawned on me that one reason it's really hard to explain excruciating boredom to normal people is because I really don't know if they have a category for it! Perhaps they see boredom as merely the absence of something interesting. So if you're bored, well, it's not as good as if something really wonderful is happening to you. Conversely, it's not as bad as something awful is happening to you. I mean, it's really neither bad nor good, just... boring. Right? I really don't know if other people see boredom that way.
This comparison may be a bit contrived, but it strikes me as somewhat akin to the difference between food -- any food -- and some particular delicacy, say, chocolate cake. I suppose that most people desire some sort of intellectual stimulation, much as they might desire chocolate cake. If they happen upon a piece of cake every week or two, great! If not, nothing really cataclysmic happens. They're missing out on something desirable, perhaps, but it's clearly a desire, not a need.
When I go without intellectual stimulation, I feel starved, desperate to rectify the situation. For me it's a need, not a desire.
I don't think other people can get that. When I imagine them saying to me, "Just suck it up! It's work. It's not supposed to be fun," I have the feeling they think they're talking about chocolate cake, not realizing that I'm dying of malnutrition.
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5 comments:
I know what this feels like. I have called it 'persistent boredom' and it is a very dangerous state. I become willing to do anything to stimulate something, including some pretty risk-taking stuff.
er.. minus the 'something'. I don't know where that came from.
"Persistent Boredom" is a good descriptor, but I think it's more than simply "boredom."
ADHD is much deeper. How about Perpetual Apathy or Chronic Existential Unhappiness?
The seeking out of "stimulation" is due to lower levels of dopamine (They think).
It's why many people with ADHD smoke, use amphetamines, crave simple carbohydrates, etc (All increase dopamine levels in the brain).
It's also why people with ADHD have a higher rate of suicides than "normal" people. Everything is "boring," and many lose the ability to cope because they don't think life can/will change.
On the flip side, your persistent hope is also common, and I think it's why those of us who stick around do so.
Another roadblock to consider is that ADHD rarely stands alone. By that I mean there are usually "Co-morbid" issues that accompany ADHD- Depression, Oppositional Defiant Disorder, Anxiety Disorder, Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, Mood Disorders (Dysthymia) and even a form of Tourette's Syndrome.
Any of these can undermine your attempts to treat ADHD.
ADHD is far more complicated than simply, "I can't pay attention."
The upside is a good number of us are bloody geniuses.
Mozart, Einstein, Socrates, Ben Franklin, Galileo, and William Butler Yeats are just a few examples of our more famous brethren.
I thought you might find this interesting.
http://www.adhdrelief.com/famous.html
@greenmanwitch:
Thanks, I remember talking about your "persistent boredom" in IRC. Great point about risk-taking as a way to mitigate this.
@fairlane:
Thanks for the comments and link.
I agree 100% that ADHD is much more than boredom, but I think boredom is the best way to describe it to those who haven't experienced it. However, I'm beginning to think that boredom is a bit of a confusing comparison, because other people just don't feel boredom so strongly.
Those lists of people rumored to be ADHD are interesting, but I take them with a grain of salt. AFAICT there's no professional diagnosis for most of those, just a bunch of speculation. However, the other day I referenced that list in daydreaming about creating a foundation to advocate for ADHD adults, and particularly thinking about all the rich entertainers whom I'd love to hit up for money for that cause.
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