As long as I'm learning something new, actually software is kind of cool. I can think to myself, "Wow, so THAT's how that works!" But when it comes time to plow my way through coding something that's not new or innovative, I lose patience very quickly and have no focus....
Making a change is hard and risky. I've been just unhappy enough to blame specific bosses or to otherwise think that my next experience in software will be the one that fulfills the potential to excite me. Now I realize that it's far more likely that I just need a career change.
Of course it hasn't helped that every time I've contemplated a career change and attempted to act on that contemplation, something really bad has come out of it:
- My disastrous experience marketing for the "Christian" college in which a rather sadistic boss fired me after a few weeks despite the dean's (her boss's) assurances I had nothing to worry about.
- My entry-level social services job, where I realized that individual contributors can't do much in that field without at least a masters.
- Applying to business school with the idea of specializing in non-profit management, only to have my star recommender disappear on me leading me to give up the whole thing in disgust.
- That abusive "ministry internship" that had my boss, a missionary whom I had earlier respected, screaming at me never to do ministry.
Therefore, it's repeatedly seemed easier just to shut my mouth and plod on through with the software work. At least I know I possess the skills. I just don't possess the motivation, not for more than a few months at a time.
It's hard to have faith that this time, the transition will be smoother.
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