That same depressing ennui has returned. My mind is just so understimulated right now. I feel like I'm just voraciousy running around the Internet looking for something, anything, some bit of novelty to hold my interest for 15 seconds and get me that much closer to the end of the day. It's awful.
I am trying very hard to make progress on the informational interviews. It's a little hard, though, because I feel so burned out by 3:00 pm that the last thing I feel like doing is chatting with someone during my breaks. But it's really my only hope for a ticket out of this hell so I'm trying to be good about it.
Why won't my counselor let me just quit? I have five figures saved up in my rainy day fund / poker bankroll now. Probably not enough though. You can never have enough. You must continue pursuing more until you die. That's why you're human, ADHD, and INFP, so you can fucking be miserable until you die.
To reward you for reading this nonsense, here's a cool link someone posted on GlobalChatter, a list of different people's self-assessed job satisfaction by type (although it seems to know I'm INFP and give me only those, hmmm): http://www.typeandculture.com/typeresearch/ .
3 comments:
I wish I had some words of encouragement that didn't sound trite...I feel like all I can really do is acknowledge what you are going through.
I know what we do for work is a big part of our lives, and when it sucks---it takes over, you feel trapped. (I really do know :)
I believe that this isn't "it" for you-the ennui, the depression, the misery at work-all of it. I am praying for a way out----SOON.
Here's another suggestion.
Instead of looking for a job that really interests you, find one that is mindless.
I just took a part time job at UPS because it only requires an 83 I.Q.
Remember, we get bored with Everything, even things/people we like/love.
You turn an interest into a career, and you risk burning out.
Sorry it's taken me so long to reply to these!
Michaela: Thanks so much for your encouragement. You're right -- this isn't "it" for me. Thanks for your prayers.
Fairlane: You make a really good point. I'm probably taking as axiomatic the idea that I need to derive meaning from work, as opposed to deriving meaning from other sources. And really, it's not axiomatic at all.
I really like how Paul Graham talks about day jobs as such. Nothing wrong with that at all. If having a day job means that I get to eat another day, have shelter, and do what I love then so much the better.
However, my technical career has suffered because I've tended to treat it as that sort of "day job". Full-time employers aren't looking for people to come in for six months, get some work done, and leave. I probably should have been contracting instead, where expectations are much different.
At any rate, I haven't given up on finding a job that has meaning to me, but you make a very good point that it doesn't have to be that way.
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