I had my first phone conversation with Debbie, my career counselor, today over lunch. This one was mostly me talking, going through my resume with great candor. Honestly, it was a very difficult conversation, even though I'm happy this counseling is taking place. Moving the conversation from one personal failure to another is damned hard! I actually thought I might burst into tears a couple of times. She seemed particularly surprised that I had not followed through with the business school application process in '05. Well, it was surprising. I really felt like such a loser at that point that I was convinced I could never find anyone to write recommendations for me.
Next comes a battery of tests that I can take online, then another phone convo next week. I feel pretty comfortable with her even though she didn't do much talking today, so I'm going to pay for the whole package now.
Ironically, talking about all my failures made me feel less dissatisfied with my present job! Actually, it made me realize that I'm pretty lucky to even have a job after
this train wreck.
Driving home tonight I had an odd thought. Various times I've thought I should be doing something creative, and stifled that thought. The world doesn't need another mediocre novelist, another mediocre bassist, another mediocre sculptor, and without passion that's all i could aspire to. Then the odd thought: What if i actually dared to dream that i could be excellent at something creative?
What if?
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